For the wife

Help, My husband wears women’s clothing
(written by a wife)

What the wife needs:

1. Prayer. This of course is the standard answer in the church, but this is also the best place to start. See that she has a strong woman prayer warrior who will pray with her on a regular basis.

2. Counseling. A counselor with a Christian world view, who is familiar with counseling homosexuals and their families and who believes strongly that homosexuality can be overcome, is a good place to start. Christian counselors experienced in co-dependency, especially for sexual addictions is another excellent point.

3. Encourage her to remain with her husband, especially if her husband is willing to get help but prepare her to leave. The husband has to be the one to decide to get well. Encourage her to find a part time job to prepare for possible reentry into the work world if she is a stay at home mom. Help her find child car and also time for her to spend with her children. Mothers with small children might want to consider working in a daycare situation where they can keep small children with them. Help her find a Christian family lawyer who can guide her through this process with prayer, grace and hope. If a trial becomes necessary, have someone from the church go with her.

4. Help the wife seek out others in her situation. While this kind of situation is becoming more and more common, it is still rare enough that she’s not going to quickly find other women near by who are going through this. The internet can provide a group that will be supportive and encouraging to her. Help her to be discerning and careful with the online group she chooses.

5. No matter what your opinion about her husband’s behavior, remember that the wife is hurting and scared. She needs your love and compassion. She is not going to heal her husband by being a better wife. Healing belongs in the hands of her husband and God.

What do you say to a woman who comes to the church and says that her husband cross-dresses or wants to be a woman? In a world where right is wrong and wrong is right, the church is confronted with a variety of issues that often are not as black and white as they were just one generation ago. What do you say to a woman who has the media and science telling her that she needs to accept that her husband is a woman trapped in a man’s body. There is hope of healing for both the wife and the husband. The hope comes not in accepting untruths, but embracing Christ and loving both the husband and his wife in often tough but tangible ways.