A Daughter's Thoughts

by Denise


As the years have passed I no longer see myself as the little girl who once stood in my dad’s shadow as the “girl” he wanted to be. I now see myself as a restored woman, separate from my father. I now understand what he was doing in his transsexual fantasy life; and in that understanding, have been able to separate myself from his exotic dreams to one day be a girl like me.

* I feel confident about being a woman.

* I feel great about being the woman God created me to be.

* I no longer look at my dad’s life or relationship with me; neither do I feel ashamed or dirty from being who I am, a woman.

* I have learned that my dad’s shadow can just be that, a shadow; not a hovering dark spirit over me.

* I have learned that the “dark spirit” had taken my dad into a very deep place of personal dissatisfaction and loneliness; a place I wish he would have never known. Perhaps if he hadn’t tasted it at all, I would have lived to see the wholeness he so desperately sought after.

* I have learned to treasure the strength I had as a little girl. As an adult I cherish the gift of trust and reliance I had on the Lord to take me through. God’s hand and grace was sufficient enough then and still is for all of us. When I have a struggle, I take myself back to being that little girl and say, “Believe and know that God is presently with you just as much as He was when you were a child.” Knowing this deepens my soul and heart; it allows me to be where God needs me to be --“Trusting in Him.”

* It is my wish that daughters of a Dad who struggles with envying their feminine experience would seek Christian guidance quickly. I wish the Dad would also seek help for his own issues, since it so negatively affects his daughter’s views of herself and the larger world about her.

* I wish that the self-centered Father would trash his self-absorption long enough to see what the consequences of his sins will bring to his daughter’s life. She needs and desires a “Dad.” Many may read or listen to what I say and think, “She’s only one daughter speaking.”

To those of you who think this I would say I have been blessed to talk with many other daughters, too. Through all of their multi-varied experiences we all have the same or similar struggles, hurts and needs. As a Father you are supposed to shield your daughter from the hurts caused by others; but instead your pursuit of your own selfish will has inflicted great destruction upon your little girl. You may excuse yourself by reasoning,

“I have at last found my true self and inner peace.” But the greatest chances are that you will destroy a huge part of your daughter’s life, while you bask in your so-called, “true being and long awaited peace”.

I would never have in my wildest dreams thought I would be involved in a “Gender Identity Disorder” ministry. When God calls you into something you never thought you’d ever be doing, nothing stops Him until He has your full attention. I no longer can envision myself doing anything else because it is the ministry which God has called me into.

I will continue to work within the scope of my vision:

It is my vision to see families come together and work together as a team to reach out to support others, letting them know they are no longer alone. There are others who understand what they going through.

Another goal is to more tangibly help those who need financial help in their quest for personal wholeness and Christian counseling; whether it is the man who struggles with G.I.D, or the wife who lives in the shadows of this insane situation which is destroying who they are as a married couple; or the child who is left behind emotionally, spiritually and physically.

My greatest aim is to bring truth and understanding to the churches and public.