Finding peace with ourselves

No matter what might be going on around us, we must find a place of peace within ourselves. We don't like conflict or hurt feelings. Yet, in reality, conflict and hurt feelings are a fact of life. We cannot always avoid hurting those around us. However, it is what we do with the hurts and trials that can make us or break us.

As you face the reality of someone close to you dealing with a gender-identity problem, you can be sure that either you or someone else will say something that is hurtful, argumentative, or misunderstood. You do not want to add any more hurt to the life of your loved one but you are faced with two choices: you can go along with what your loved one is doing no matter how much it hurts you inside, or, you can speak your heart, taking the chance that you will not be heard or that you may hurt the listener. From my own experience, I encourage you to speak out what you know to be true. Do not say one thing and mean the other. This can cause more damage than you might imagine. Stand firm on what you believe.

One Sunday morning, my minister used the word admonishing. He told us this word can be described as “Someone giving you scripture that shows how your life is not lined up with how God would have you live.” My pastor continued saying that admonishing is not a "one time shot." He encouraged us to be persistent.

So what does that say to us in talking with family members involved with gender-identity issues? It not only says that we should line up the behavior of our loved one with what the Bible teaches but we must also speak the truth to them IN LOVE. Only you can decide how that will work in your situation. Sometimes, you may lose all contact and such persistence will be impossible. In my situation, I lived with this issue for 29 years. I did have the opportunity to voice my loving concern many different times right up to the time of my dad's death. I never backed down from where I stood but when I spoke to my dad, I was loving and caring. You must put away mean and vicious words even when you're hurting within yourself. Choose your times to talk and then talk.

My prayer for my dad is found in Colossians 1:9. "For this reason, since the day we heard of you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding."

This prayer for my dad continues to be my prayer for all the families going through trials and conflicts in their lives.

When someone is hurting, you may say, "I'll be praying for you," or you may go to others when you're in distress and ask them to keep you in their prayers. Prayer is an awesome tool we can, and should, use. James 5:13 says, "Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray." God is waiting to come close; to hear your hurts and needs; to provide comfort and peace. He wants us to talk to Him. Prayer can give you strength to carry on. It can remind you that you're not alone. It can give you hope for tomorrow. James 4:10 reads, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

What about forgiveness? It is hard to forgive someone when they have caused so much hurt, pain and stress. However, the Bible commands us to forgive. Forgiveness is "letting go or setting aside." Being able to forgive will strengthen your own well-being. Let go of the mind-set that says the other person must suffer and be hurt. Personally, I found myself in this vicious cycle for much too long. I thought that if I forgave my father, I would have to give up the idea of getting back at him. After 29 years, I have finally found the freedom that comes with being able to forgive. I wish it had happened much sooner. Once I gave up what I thought was my right to anger and retaliation, God began to heal me in wondrous ways. For each of us, this is a personal choice. It is my prayer that you do not have to wait twenty-nine years to feel the freedom that comes with forgiveness.

Take one day at a time. Face the reality ahead of you. Life has changed. Believe that you can get through this very rough time in your life. You cannot change your circumstances, but you can change the way you deal with them. Avoid isolation. I witnessed the consequences of isolation in the life of my dear mother. Isolation is dark and unhealthy. Find a support system that works for you, allowing you the normalcy of a time of grief and anger but also encouraging you to move beyond those emotions to a time of increasing peace and hope.