|
I have spent quite a bit
of time praying over your letter of January 14th and your questions. I
want at all times to be entirely honest in my communication with you,
holding out to you HOPE for resolution, but the reality that it
doesn't come quickly, cheaply, or within the context of isolation.
That is why I am so pleased to learn that you have discovered a church
that ministers to such needs as your own. I am anxious to find out the
name of the contact person in that outreach for future reference.
Breaking the secret is such a large part of the overall healing
process. I would encourage you to persist in finding those whom you
can trust with your inner pain . . . and then let all the junk spill
out.
Such a group (or individual) is not just there to be the retainer of
our "garbage," but to be a daily resource for prayer, input, course
correction and, in a real sense, "Jesus with skin on." They can be the
ones to whom you can turn for encouragement and personal
accountability when tempted to do what you know is not in your best
interest. It's amazing how the nuclear warhead of lust is so easily
diffused by a simple telephone call to someone who knows all about us.
It helps so much to be able to say, "Hey, I am in big trouble in my
mind right now . . . how about agreeing in prayer for me?"
Accountability is so vital to any success!
I heard once that "Sin carries you further than you ever wanted to go.
You pay a price far more than you wanted to pay. And you stay much
longer than you intended to stay!" That's especially true with you and
me . . . and others like us!
You and I have very similar histories in our search for help. It is
not an easy thing to find the help we need, because it takes time and
a sort of "plodding along" in that tedious, humiliating and sometimes
frustrating thing called RECOVERY. As Dr. Boyd Luter puts it in his
book, Looking Back, Moving On
"The hardest part of this process (of healing past hurts) was
admitting that I couldn't do it alone. A substantial part of my life
was interned within me, and I didn't really have a clue to unlocking
that internal vault in search of answers. Through the gracious help of
colleagues, I was able to receive assistance from a few key
individuals who encouraged me to unearth my early experiences and
helped draw out a route map for the recovery journey ahead . . . So,
at the same time that I was digging down into my past to identify the
issues that had been impacting me, I was digging down into Scriptures
with a team of others to identify how the Bible spoke to those
issues."1
Dr. Luter continued to say, "Recovery is the comeback process from an
unhealthy event, relationship, or behavioral pattern that continues to
impact a person's life in negative ways."2 That's what you and I are
involved in. And there's lots of events, people and behaviors that we
need to more effectively deal with, preferably with others who can and
will stand with us in our quest for sexual-identity wholeness.
A good friend of mine recently told me, "Jay, the entire strategy of
Satan is to lure you and those you work with into a disinterest in
your destiny in God; to keep your focus upon the yourself and the
ever-pressing immediate, not the future God has planned for you."
You may have a copy of The Best of Peter Marshall, written by his
wife, Catherine. If so, pick it up and read his classic sermon
entitled, "Our Friend, The Enemy." He parallels the life of Samson to
our own, asserting that God's purposes for Samson were far more
splendid than he realized. Peter Marshall said of Samson,
For any of us . . . the temptation is to put ourselves first, at the
center of life, to play at being God. `I want what I want.' My
will--or God's will. In this case, God had a great plan for Samson:
"He shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines."
(Judges 13:5) More than that, he was meant to be a Nazirite . . . His
body was to be kept clean of strong drink and sensual indulgence . .
..No razor was ever to touch his head. But the human will is always
free. God will force no man to obey Him, nor will He shield any from
temptation. The sin is not in being tempted but in yielding. This is
our battleground, where every human being faces a decision between God
and the devil.
The devil came to Samson in a woman's guise; he often has and he often
does. So Samson lost his first battle with temptation--and we can be
sure that it was a battle. For God, having blessed Samson with unusual
gifts, needed him. There had to be a tremendous battle within,
particularly that first time. But after the first giving-in to
temptation, our defenses are weaker the next time. We have handed over
our wills to the Evil Power, fraternized with him like the friend he
pretends to be. He has won control. His sly suggestions infiltrate. .
.then contaminate . . .then dominate.
And so the man who with his bare hands had torn a lion limb from limb
was victim of a snakebite in the tall grass of sensual indulgence. The
argument that desire alone is sufficient excuse for conduct is a
philosophy as old as sex. The unbridling of passion. . .the exaltation
of sexual pleasures torn from the context of life and worshiped as the
god of happiness--this rationale has been given a fresh Freudian face
in our century; otherwise there is nothing modern about it.
The temptation is always to purchase popularity by joining the crowd
around the bargain counters of hell, when in exchange for an
irrecoverable, fragile, precious thing--purity--the devil will offer
cheap, glittering baubles with which his hooks are baited.3
Excellent material, wouldn't you say? If you haven't read the book,
it's time to seriously consider doing so. He gives a great deal more
insight than what I have space to include in this letter.
You said that you were not expecting me to give you a "formula," some
magical prescription to provide the cure-all remedy. Good! Cause I
cannot! All I can do is offer to you those things that are helpful to
me (and others) in our ongoing recovery process.
Here are some things you must do ASAP for your recovery:
1. Empty your soul of all anger with God.
2. Make a daily commitment to open everything about yourself to God
and the people He sends your way.
3. Employ battle strategies when temptations come your way, for they
surely do and will!
(We have been so accustomed to laying down our battle gear, succumbing
at the slightest suggestion, and forsaking the Lord's way of
obedience, for the immediate, compulsive drive for immoral means of
self-gratification)
4. Purpose to know Jesus better and love Him with all your heart.
5. Become firmly committed to an accountability group.
6. Call upon others when first experiencing temptation.
7. Keep yourself out of situations that lend themselves to stirring up
old thoughts and feelings.
Of this drive for immediate satisfaction, Peter Marshall says:
But the truth is that the devil has no bargains. "Take what you want,
Samson. We can settle up later." One of the devil's tricks is this:
When we choose evil, usually we get what we want at once and pay for
it afterward. When we choose good we have to pay for it first before
we get it. Most of us have found this out with as simple a matter as
examinations in school. If you chose good grades and a degree with
honor, you had to pay months ago with hard study, the giving up of
some pleasure or recreation. But if you chose to have a good time, you
began that long ago, and you have had your fun. You did not pay then,
but you are paying now in your frantic, last-minute boning for your
exams, and your paying is not over yet. There will be further deferred
payments later in your life.
Make no mistake about it. This Evil Personality is very real and very
subtle. He is real to me; I know him well. He wants to persuade us to
choose the things that we do not have to pay for right away. Usually
they are cheap and sordid things. "You want it," the devil says.
"Charge it. I understand. I'm your friend. Take what you want."
But the bills always come due. And what is more, they are not all
presented to you. Payments must also be made by those close to you,
bound to you through all eternity by ties of blood and bonds of love.4
Well, I have taken enough of your time in this exchange. I know that
you can make it through all of this stuff. We are in this together. I
am anything but perfect or without temptation, but I am learning what
it takes to stay on the right course, doing the correct things, making
the right decisions. I am always growing in my self understanding and
comprehending more of what God has for me, which is always good!
(Jeremiah 29:11) I am also incredibly aware of my weaknesses and
vulnerabilities.
With that, I am also daily committed to traverse this thing called
"recovery," not just for myself . . .but for God's purposes. And for
you.
I am glad to have you walking beside me!
Footnotes:
1. Dr. Boyd Luter, Looking Back, Moving On, (Colorado Springs:
Navpress, 1993), 15.
2. Ibid., 19
3. Catherine Marshall, The Best of Peter Marshall, (New York:
Zondervan Publishing, 1983), 246-247.
4. Ibid., 247-248. |
Help 4 Families
Order
the Book