Trust in the lord with all your heart and
lean not on your own understanding.
(Proverbs 3:5)
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Church Responds to Transsexuality
Clergy and Caregivers,
"So, you are getting some calls/complaints from your members in regard to
their concerns about a man who is attending church dressed as a woman. What
are you to do? Do you ask him to leave and not return until he is dressed in
appropriate attire? Do you forbid him to use the women's rest room? How do
you plan to minister in compassion and genuine care for his soul, while not
rejecting him in his own re-created state? Do you instruct your members to
extend the same welcome to him as you would the drug addict, homosexual, or
alcoholic? Just what is the protocol you will use with him and his family?
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Your web site has been very helpful to me. One of our
pastors and I (Director of Women’s Ministries) need your help if
possible! I’ll give you a brief synopsis and pray the LORD will give
you insight as to how we can best help.
Jack is a transsexual who has been attending our church this past
year. (Man dressing as a woman). No matter how Jack dresses, he looks
like a man (6’5” and heavy beard). Several churches in town have asked
him to leave. We have been extending grace and welcoming him to the
following: main church services, singles ministry and our women’s
evening bible studies. We have set firm boundaries with designating a
low use woman’s bathroom, not attending college group (he is 38 years
old), and not attending our Women’s Fitness Plus Exercise Classes.
These reasons have been explained to Jack: too old for college, and
women’s/girls sensitivity issues. We do not know if he has had surgery
or not.
BOUNDARIES/DECENCY
We are frustrated in that Jack continues to violate the boundaries
(i.e.: restroom use, going to the college group, talking about
inappropriate sexual things in prayer groups). He shows up late, is
inconsistent in attendance in all the aforementioned activities we
have invited him to. When he does attend, he often gets up during
bible studies and moves to the front or leaves early.
We have set him up with a counselor, but believe he has attended
perhaps only 3-4 sessions this past year. We sense there are other
mental health issues going on, but that is from both our “non”
counselor opinions. Often his conversation is not in reality, so we
gently try to bring him back to what is true.
WHAT’S A WOMAN TO DO?
Our women’s directional team has asked that we not allow Jack to
attend. We typically resource women with severe problems to a support
group or mentoring partner, so they ask, why are we allowing Jack to
disrupt things? Good question. Jack believes the sermons and singles
group sermons are over his head (that’s why he likes college).
However, our women’s studies are very in depth as well. We have
offered to him a small group basic seeker study, but he doesn’t really
want that either. Many of our ideas are rejected. The pastor I
mentioned has been very good in extending grace and yet holding Jack
accountable. He had the bathroom/college talk with him this week,
again. I would be willing to meet with him for a seeker study, but is
that the best place for him?
Obviously, we need help as to how to best minister to Jack and yet
minister to our GIRLS as well. So I ask:
*1. What place is the best fit for Jack?
*2. What are the best ways for us as leaders to minister to Jack?
COMPASSIONATE RESPONSE
Even if he has had the rearrangement of skin folds, to the point that
his external body appears to be that of a pseudo female; he
nonetheless is still only a "he." The essence of who you are in your
genetics, anatomy, chromosomes, DNA., etc....do not magically change
by the surgical amputation of that which once formerly defined him a
male.
SOME GUIDELINES TO REMEMBER:
Walk in the truth of who God made us to be; how that process was
short-circuited, and what can be done to bring rectification to his
greatly fractured soul is crucial.
1. His obvious disregard for your standards, expectations, and
kindness/grace... is a signal that he is only intent upon ultimately
forcing his ways upon you.
2. His lack of follow-through with counseling is another indicator of
his true resistance to change his conduct, get well, and repent. His
behavior is very disruptive and less than considerate of young and
innocent lives looking on.
3. Read BOLD LOVE by Dr. Dan Allender, especially the chapter on
"Loving the Biblical Fool."
4. FLIGHT TOWARD WOMAN that is available through Help 4 Families..
These issues are covered in much more detail within this manuscript.
BE SURE TO PREVIEW ALL OF THE TIMELY AND HELPFUL RESOURCES AVAILABLE
Views about the women’s bathroom & other sacred places
THE BIBLE STUDY
No matter how effectively he may think he is fooling women, it is just
plainly very simple: It would indeed effect what would be shared in
the group and that could and I emphatically believe would negatively
effect the growing and learning that comes from a woman’s Bible study.
His very presence would be stealing something from the women; while he
would only feeding himself on the time spent at the Bible study for
his own selfish needs and desires.
THE WOMEN’S BATHROOM: One Woman’s response;
If Jack was in the restroom what would he be thinking? Is he looking
over the women to see who he desires to be most? Are his eye's filled
with envy because he is not a real woman? Is he undressing the
innocent women with his eyes and envious of their bodies?
Is he feeding off of the unsuspecting women and achieving his
addictive emotional gratification? His main concern is a self-serving
endorsement and exotic high by being accepted as a woman.
“When Jack enters a women's restroom he is lying to those of us in
there. We perceive him as being female. He is stealing our feminine
privacy. We believe the sign is clear and is posted there on the door
so men will not enter. Only women are supposed to be entering into the
women's restroom. He is male no matter what clothes, make up, or
pseudo name he wears. If I were standing before one mirror while Jack
stood before the other mirror, I would know he is crossing a distinct
social boundary; and clearly violating me with his deceiving manner of
dress. More troubling would be his lustful observation of my privacy;
observing me when I put on lipstick, perhaps brushing my hair or pull
up my slip. I prefer for no strange man to watch me do any of these
personal actions. Jack’s invasive presence has stolen a safe and
trusting place for women to be.
Jack would make it uncomfortable for women to be in their own gender
restroom. Because of the Jack's in this ever-changing world, I find
myself wondering more and more often, “Is that really a woman in the
next stall?”
A man has no right to enter a woman's bathroom. If he truly identified
and cared and respected women in a restroom as much as he cared about
himself ... he would not violate women in this way. His intrusion only
reveals his narcissism and lust-filled heart.”
A sensible but non-politically correct conclusion:
No responsible mother or father would want their young or teenage
daughter to use a restroom if they knew Jack was in there. Whether
parents did or did not know he was in there, he would be violating the
innocence of the younger generation -- of budding women and their
right to feminine privacy.
Would the violation stop there? If he so carelessly violates their
privacy by his willful disregard for the very intelligible sign on the
door, will he then be empowered to do so in other ways? Or, are we
chancing, even encouraging, further harm and intrusions to happen to
all women of all ages by not enforcing common-sense standards as basic
as “men & women’s bathrooms?”
Our permissive society seems only interested in not wanting to hurt
the feelings of a man wearing a dress in women’s bathrooms.
THE REAL QUESTION:
“Who’s feelings should really be taken into consideration?”
Common sense would expect that my daughter and I could safely enter
our gender-specific bathroom, and go there to accomplish what it is
that women do while there, in strict privacy; never wondering about
their privacy, or if there is a man in the next stall?
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